Well, this seems like a perfectly natural transition from the Christian post I just did made over 2 months ago.
As to why the long break . . . I don’t know what to tell you. I’m never on time for anything. My life is an endless parade of being late, where order rarely lasts more than 10 seconds and everything is confusion.
And in my defense, these things take like 4-5 hours a piece. Being this brilliant and witty requires work.
But this week we’re going to be talking about the saucy side of the Internet. And I think I’m uniquely qualified to comment on sexiness, since I’ve taken 3 whole pole dancing classes.
Anyway, if you thought our Lord and Savior was creepily fetishized, you ain’t seen nothing yet. Time to get into the real kinky stuff! Continue reading →
Namely, that I like to do a lot of it. And have the income of a graduate student.
This minor addiction is made both better and worse by my discovery of a website called Wish. Ostensibly, everything on this site is dirt-cheap because you’re ordering directly from the manufacturers, and cutting out the middle man saves costs. Which is probably about 40% true, but it’s also really cheap because . . . well, it’s really cheap.
It’s a lot of fun, but only if you obey a few cardinal rules:
Always look at the pictures uploaded by users.
Never buy anything that doesn’t havepictures uploaded by users.
Read the reviews — all of them.
Memorize your measurements and don’t pay attention to sizing; they’re Chinese, which runs at least 1-2 sizes smaller than US.
I only break these rules like . . . half the time I buy stuff, so there’s another one I had to add:
Expect everything you get to be crap.
In reality, I’ve bought 7 things so far, and of those, 3 have been better than I expected, 2 have met expectations, and 2 have been slight-to-significant disappointments. (One of which I got a refund for despite having been an idiot and not obeying #3, so that’s pretty cool. Also, if you know anyone who’s a Chinese XS-M, I have a super-cute dress for them.)
Okay, somehow this has turned into a review for the site. Don’t go on Wish: everything is cheap and it’s way too easy to fall into a shopping frenzy, because they reward purchases with discounts that only last a week, which if you’re me means that you have to buy something or else you’re throwing away free money . . . and next thing you know you’re living in a box drinking wine made by Hobo Joe, which you’re pretty sure is about 35% pee.
But if you have a shopping addiction and hate throwing away $20 a pop on cheap garbage, get this app. That way, you’re only spending $5 on cheap garbage. Just be prepared to develop a wishlist thousands of items long, full of things you probably will never buy.
Angst about how cute I used to be aside —
— one thing this site is great for is seeing what the Internet wants to buy. And the Internet, it turns out, is absolutely nuts. So let’s-a go!
So . . . life may have been a little rough the last few months. I’m not great at being all emotional and stuff, and people don’t come here for that, so let’s use an unfunny meme to explain my life since the last post:
October: Grad school is terrible and I hate everything! No time to blog, I got work to do.
November: I just got dumped. (Again. It was embarrassing.) Time to go man-hunting! I hear this online dating thing isn’t so bad . . .
December: Fuck men. Cats are better.
January: I’ve been kinda bummed out lately. But you know, I really need to take this time to focus on myself and the things I enjoy, jump back into my hobbies. I was so happy last year when I got to focus on the things I love, like writing fanfiction, knitting, bloggi —
Oh, is it time for the Spring semester already? Well gee, I’m sure I’ll have plenty of time to fit that stuff in, especially since I’m not wasting time talking to those losers on online dating sites.
March: Drag Race is starting again! Time to think about literally nothing else!
April: OH MY GOD EVERYTHING IS FIRE NO ONE WILL EVER PAY ME SO MANY PRESENTATIONS WHY DID I CHOOSE A PROFESSION THAT HAS SO MUCH PUBLIC SPEAKING I CAN’T REMEMBER WHAT BOOKS LOOK LIKE ARE MY EYES BLEEDING WHY DOES EVERY PROFESSOR INSIST ON HAVING MAJOR PROJECTS DUE AT THE SAME TIME WHYYYYYYY
May: Wow, what a wonderful semester! It was stressful, but I learned a lot, I’m inspired to be a librarian and help those in need, and I’m more physically and emotionally healthy than I’ve been in a long time. I even promised my friend Will that I’d finish this Fault in Our Stars blog. I feel so motivated!
Time to celebrate!
WOOOO! I HAVE TWO MARTINIS AND ABOUT HALF MY WEIGHT IN OVERPRICED FONDUE IN ME!!! LET’S DO THIS!!!!!!! JOHN GREEN IS MY BIIIIIIIITCH!
Right Now: . . . Fine. I guess it’d be pretty embarrassing to make it this far and not finish the thing properly.
You may have noticed that I’ve been a bit . . . absent these past few weeks.
Okay, there’s been a lot of drama in my life. What with graduating, starting and finishing a semester of grad school, getting comfy in my new job, starting, ending, and then awkwardly Frankenstein-style-resurrecting a relationship, and then beginning another semester left me with limited time or inclination to deal with any of Green’s bullshit. Plus there’s homework, and trying to reconfigure career plans, apply for a new Master’s (M.B.A., if you were curious), keep in touch with friends who are way less socially anxious and homebody-y than I am, and that Party Hard game is so unbelievably fun and the first game I’ve ever completed, let alone “perfected,” and I’ve just been too damn lazy, okay? There have been distractions both reasonable and unreasonable, and things got neglected. Including you, my poor little babies.
Once again, we are ready to voyage into the beautiful and haunting world of John Green, where entitled little shits are treated like the Second Coming of Christ and somehow we’re expected to read the same chapter over and over without noticing.
But whatever. There aren’t any funerals or wakes or Facebook posts for her to be miserable about, so hopefully this will be slightly more bearable. Hey, for all we know this could be a great chapter, full of the insight and heartrending drama that we’ve been seeking in vain for months now!
Guys, I’m so glad this book is almost over, because I’m close to giving up.
Honestly, I’m worn out. I don’t know how many different ways there are to say that Hazel is a hateful brat, that I still don’t care Gus is dead, that apparently people with cancer have a monopoly on feelings about death, that John Green is either a narcissistic douchebag desperately trying to prove his relevance to the literary canon or a narcissistic douchebag desperately trying to prove his relevance to tweenage girls via so much pandering.
You’re tired of hearing it, I’m tired of saying it; Lord knows we’re all tired of reading it.
I mean, this chapter is almost exactly the same as the last one, just . . . longer. And less plausible.
Oh well, let’s just pick ourselves up by our hideous bowties and stagger through the third-to-last chapter of this endless novel. It’s what Mr. Psycho would’ve wanted.
4 out of 5 read-ologists recommend this WordPress.com site. ups and downs of writer's insanity and day to day life. I will write whatever makes the voices happy, for a writer that ignores her inner voices is merely a mental breakdown waiting to happen. Keeping the voices happy and creating new worlds for them to play in is my main goal.