The Internet is Weird: Christian Edition

I have a shopping problem.

Namely, that I like to do a lot of it. And have the income of a graduate student.

making it rain
Pictured: Not me, unless she’s raining receipts of things she didn’t need.

This minor addiction is made both better and worse by my discovery of a website called Wish. Ostensibly, everything on this site is dirt-cheap because you’re ordering directly from the manufacturers, and cutting out the middle man saves costs. Which is probably about 40% true, but it’s also really cheap because . . . well, it’s really cheap.

Screen Shot 2016-06-05 at 6.36.28 AM

Yeah . . .
Yeah . . .

It’s a lot of fun, but only if you obey a few cardinal rules:

  1. Always look at the pictures uploaded by users.
  2. Never buy anything that doesn’t have pictures uploaded by users.
  3. Read the reviews — all of them.
  4. Memorize your measurements and don’t pay attention to sizing; they’re Chinese, which runs at least 1-2 sizes smaller than US.

I only break these rules like . . . half the time I buy stuff, so there’s another one I had to add:

  1. Expect everything you get to be crap.

In reality, I’ve bought 7 things so far, and of those, 3 have been better than I expected, 2 have met expectations, and 2 have been slight-to-significant disappointments. (One of which I got a refund for despite having been an idiot and not obeying #3, so that’s pretty cool. Also, if you know anyone who’s a Chinese XS-M, I have a super-cute dress for them.)

Okay, somehow this has turned into a review for the site. Don’t go on Wish: everything is cheap and it’s way too easy to fall into a shopping frenzy, because they reward purchases with discounts that only last a week, which if you’re me means that you have to buy something or else you’re throwing away free money . . . and next thing you know you’re living in a box drinking wine made by Hobo Joe, which you’re pretty sure is about 35% pee.

You don't want to emulate someone who voluntarily drank Ras-ber-itas. Trust me on this.
You don’t want to emulate someone who voluntarily drank something called a Raz-ber-rita. Trust me on this.

But if you have a shopping addiction and hate throwing away $20 a pop on cheap garbage, get this app. That way, you’re only spending $5 on cheap garbage. Just be prepared to develop a wishlist thousands of items long, full of things you probably will never buy.

For example, do I need a pair of tartan suspenders? Have I ever worn suspenders in my life? Do I see a situation in which I will benefit from tartan suspenders in any way? No, no, and not unless I successfully transform into a Magic Pixie Dream Girl. But I WANT THEM.
For example, do I need a pair of tartan suspenders? Have I ever worn suspenders in my life? Do I see a situation in which I will benefit from tartan suspenders in any way? No, no, no, and not unless I successfully transform into a Magic Pixie Dream Girl. But look at the great price! I WANT THEM.

Angst about how cute I used to be aside —

I was so skinny.
I was so skinny.

— one thing this site is great for is seeing what the Internet wants to buy. And the Internet, it turns out, is absolutely nuts. So let’s-a go!

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The Giddy Owl: Elsa’s Having A Baby!

The Giddy Owl is one of the snarkiest, funniest bloggers I’ve read in a while. Everyone should experience this.

The Giddy Owl

For the billions of you out there that for some reason actually like Disney’s Frozen and will probably go see Cinderella just so you can see the Frozen short, you’ll probably enjoy this.

Congratulations, Elsa’s having a baby girl!

Elsa

Now I’m sure you’re thinking, “We’re not all night owls, Giddy Owl, so what gives about this stupid little ga–”

Picture 2

This has got to be one of the strangest baby games I’ve ever played. It’s this weird mesh between trying to be medically accurate but at the same time manages to be wildly inaccurate because it’s a game based off a Disney movie. That and I can’t believe Elsa made a maternity version of her “I’m going to be the Queen of Forever Alone” gown.

We start off with the story, which is in the summary and not the game itself. Elsa’s expecting and hasn’t been feeling too well as of…

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